poetry

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given that this is in actual fact a blog site, and not a poetry site, i thought i might try something a little different and instead of just posting a long list of poem's iv written, attach (to some of them) a little explanation of either how they came about, what they mean to me, or a little back ground info on what was happening in my life at the time of writing them.

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this one following one was written whilst running the gauntlet of bipolar medication... but given my current condition on the board i thought it might be appropriate to post it now, it seem to fit quite well. 

psychedelic smiles


Twisting twirling psychedelic yearning
floating gloating learning turning
flashes before mine eyes
clear blue skies?
Unfocused eyes
unseen lies.


all pain all fear all hope all souls die
lost in the psychedelic confines of my mind
I laugh again I smile so bright
no more feeling no more fight
giggling insanely in my delight
as I stumble blindly towards the light
no hate no pain no fear to see
but no soul left im loosing me
pretty pictures make me blind
im winning the battle but cheerfully …loosing my mind


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The Widow


The wid0w spins her silken web
Beauty between fine gossamer thread
Frost drapes like diamonds, glistening in the dusk
Enticing… provoking… curiosity a must


Though many see not the shinning array
See not the warning the cold frost does display
Flying tangled into clinging weave
Allowing shinning smile to deceive


Wrapped in silken sheets they end their strife
As the wid0ws fangs sink in… to end their life
Then on to the next…


“Come… pray let us tarry a while”
The wid0w turns with sparkling frosted smile


Seeking sustenance for heart, body and mind
The wid0w seeks to feed on all she finds
Romance, love, passion… hunger all end the same
Life near the wid0w a dangerous game


Remember as her fangs reach to feed upon your heart
The wid0ws love is always dark
Brings pain and death to all who seek
Poisson lurking below exterior meek


A tender husband, love to seek in the dark
But tender of flesh… not of the heart
For sustenance the wid0w lusts true
Who shall feed her next? … Be it you?


But who is caught tightest in this web of style
Be it the prey? The lover? The wid0w with frosted smile?
If death comes to all who tarry along
Tis a lonely smile a lonely song


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this is kinda long, sorry about that ... it inspired the 3d painting below or is an extension of the idea of the painting (kinda chicken and egg thing really) 3d doesn't photograph well im afraid... any way if you want a shorter read just scroll on down past it... flows a bit messy in this one but it is raw emotion so sod it, maybe i will "polish" it up a bit one day but for now i like it as it is... its pretty self explanatory and has to do with some of my "diagnosis" that shrinks love me to collect. these guys seriously arnt happy unless they give you a three ft deep folder. if you got pasted with the same label im sure you will "get" it, to any one else sorry if it just confuses the hell out of you ;-) but perhaps you might still enjoy........... 


looking glass


Take a look into the looking glass
with in a moment
you are there.
As the dark, dank, tunnel tumble’s you,
within the darkness
feel the terror, feel the tear

Torn too with fascination
split by fear and dread.
Dead paths revealed before you,
as you wonder where they led

Theres one traveled trail of gravel,
this path pulls to draw you on.
One real resolution
to find out what has gone

 

Through bramble that grasp the glowing orb
as they strangling out its light
Barbed fingers clutching, cutting flesh,
as roots sternly seek
to clasp you tight

Onward over boundless cavern wide
spanned by slender, fragile rope.
Can it bear this extra weight?
Can you risk to hope?

Darkness flys around you
as you seek safe sanctuary.
Will you find that peace of mind?
or merely stark insanity?

Through slender hall
with grasping hands,
make small yourself and speed.
They reach without despairing bars
upon your soul they’ll feed

The open space of desolate
fear flys in dark’s disguise.
Souls shrieking sorrow creeping,
hunting ...waiting
till the prey is once espied

Hunting as you run for cover
a tower looms up high.
Locked door and pitted walls
for cover you must climb

Howling figures dive
as the you strive to reach the top.
Whispers in you frozen ears
that urge you now to drop.

Aloft a window, hope’s a fire
as you stumble through the aperture.
No going back now for what you see
you wanted answers?
what could it be?

Alone a maiden sprawled on her bed
lifeless
Is she dead?
A mirror affixed the door
fragment reflections upon the floor.
A fist a belt a shoe ?
Who broke this mirror ?
Was it you ?
Did sharp words reverberate?
Was it more than it could take?
Besides the mirror a trail of blood,
each piece fragment caused a cut.
Can you see into the shards ?
Do you know now where you are ?
CAN YOU SEE INTO THE SHARDS ?
DARE YOU LOOK FROM WHERE YOU ARE ?

Now take a look into the looking glass,
any piece but have a care.
Take a looking within the looking glass
in a moment you are there.
But as you walk within the shadows
as you feel reality tear.
Can you escape the looking glass,
or are you trapped in there?
Deeper and deeper
can you escape in time ?
Take a look into the looking glass
welcome to my mind




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To dream of you

Every night I close my eyes, to the touch of your hot caress
I feel your hands explore me; I feel your warm moist breath
Lips pressed hard upon me as I feel them bruise my soul
Each night I close my eyes knowing .......that I will… replay my role

I feel your strong hands coursing… across my soft silk flesh
My body writhes beneath your touch… as slick bodies glide and press
As I close my eyes I feel your breath… hot beneath my ear
Each and every night I close my eyes… with sorrow and with fear

I see you in the shadows I see you in my dreams
I see you in my nightmares nothings as it seems
Your stagnant breath upon me as you pin me to the floor
The hollow sound so echoing, the bolt across the door

Struggling weakly beneath you… I struggle to escape
My silent scream are echoing as my body you do take
Tears fall from my glazed eyes… as the blessed darkness falls
Stomach wrenching terror… as still I feel you maul

At last your time is over an eternity of hell
You pass me to another… and laugh… as he takes his turn as well
My flesh bruised but unbroken… my mind a shattered mess
I listen to echoing laughter as with shaking hands I dress

Each night that I close my eyes… I feel your stagnant breath
Each and every night I close my eyes I long for blessed death
Will this dream ever be over? Will the nightmare never end?
Will I ever trust another? Will I ever find a friend?

Why do I seek for punishment? Drawn to pain and fear
Why feel terror at the closeness of every thing held dear?
Used, confused, shattered, abused
Taken in so foolishly by sick and simple ruse

Trust not my mind forever more
My sickened judgment, punishment from before

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and nope to forestall any questions i dont always write about sex lol, in fact i rarely, do but given the title of the section.....

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ok maybe that was a little too depressing  so a quick cheery one
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Neanderthal


Awoke on this fine morning to the clamor of the day
i stepped in side my living room and wished id run away
As I looked around the devastation, the chaos and debris
I heard five guilty voices… their pleas “it wasn’t me”

Well heck… I guess I slept so sound last night… I guess I didn’t know
A localized hurricane… was whipping up a blow
Sweet hubby with his blatant charm, offered to set it right
It doesn’t matter... I smiled sweetly, you still get non tonight

All day I had to listen, to the repetition of his woe
I murmured placating comments… as I thought where he could go
He actually tried conversing with all the elegance of an ape
He started sounding reasonable… guess its time to medicate

I got these pretty pink pills… to help me make it through
“But seeing as how you’re the biggest cause… should I be giving them to you”
Perhaps if he were sedated… I wouldn’t be at beck and call
Perhaps I was mistaking…
to marry a neanderthal

........(hubby number one (i number them because its just easier that way).. used to invite his buddys around for drinking sessions all the time.... and they would basically trash the place leaving guess who to pick up the pieces.. if that wasnt bad enough he'd also sit there can in hand staring at the t.v letting the kids wreck havoc.....also inspired by him my version of the 12 days of xmas.)
 
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romantic nights

 

dishes piled high...with in the sink
your suppers late... thats bad you think
your storming off... in a royal mood
screaming orders... for some food

complaining hard... that suppers late
im reaching now.... for that new cleaned plate
i smile sweetly... as i dish your food
the puppy cleaned it ...  really good

i listen to... your vast complaints
as i clear away... your emptied plate
your full of shit... but not for long
laxative stew... do you think thats wrong?

it was over salted... and and dosed up well
i hand you coffee... and you cant tell
thirst is quenched... but its full of spit
because im tired ..of your constant shit

your playing cards... on computer screen
ignoring me... but i wont be mean
i watch the clock.. as i wait and smile
the laxative.. will be just a while

your belly rolls... and you clench your cheeks
an hour later.. the bathroom reeks
and yet still... you are... so full of crap
but dont worry dear... cos ill get you back

bed time's near... and you think we'll play
but no way darlin... theres non today
a final coffee...and you drink it gone
that was a doze of trazadone

feeling drowsy... you've your teeth to do
with that very same brush... that i cleaned the loo
so nag complain and bitch and squeal
ill smile sweetly.. as you call to heel

now snoring hard ...to wake the dead
your belly empty... though you were fed
i grab my pillow... as i ponder through
what the law would do ... if i smothered you

........(hubby number two... turned out to be a total control freak, after id signed on the dotted line of course... and if your wondering how i could be an idiot twice theres a post knocking around some where on this blog that explains how you fall into that mind set... any way i wrote this as i was starting to feel quite ill (was after, i think, the second procedure (i lose track). i was supposed to be on bed rest but he wouldnt stop whining, complaining, bitching about everything .... did i really do all those things or am i using creative licence .... hell yes i did them... i was sick of his bullying... petty pay back like that kept me sane.. if you think that was bad you should hear what i did after the separation lol...yes i am an wicked mean evil woman.)
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hmm makes me look a bit of a bitch really huh something else for balance perhaps?
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impoverished destiny



impoverished destiny
to show that love is blind
true wealth and happiness
look and you can find

poverty is simply
an exercise of the mind
rich in imagination
in true love when it is blind

id rather spend forever
seeking pennies from thin air
than spend an eternity
as a lonely millionaire

i wouldn’t change a moment
with out our worry and our woe
for when it really matters
i would really rather know

that i would mean as much to you
as you know you mean to me
our hearts our souls together
even in impoverished destiny

..........(ahhh the youthful flush of love .. and guess which number partner... ha .. that was partner number three (technically my fiance... im a little reluctant to take the next step and make him officially hubby number three it seems to spell doom to any hope of a relationship lol) .. any way he was insecure about his financial ability (being raised, as he was, in a fashion that worships the almighty dollar as being the utmost prime importance factor in a persons life) i wanted to reassure him that in actual fact i didnt give a crap if he had two brass farthings to rub together or not, love for who he was not what he had (or as it were didnt have) was the important factor to me. so i wrote him that one Christmas.
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mind merge



Minds are merge… across an ocean wave
As two souls… meet as one
Untangle threads of mystery
New tapestry… begun



Hesitant eyes opened
To hopes, and thoughts, and dreams
To understand the darkness
The light and shadows…. In between



You took my hand and led me…
From darkest night… to shinning day
You took my heart and held me…
Even though your far away



Our hearts are joined… through flickering screen
Past treachery undone
New strength is found…from out your heart
New melody is sung



You took my hand and led me…
From darkest night… to shinning day
You took my heart and held me…
Even though you far away



Sought… from out dark gathering
You offered… to lead the way
Soft words to soothe the fractured mind
To hold the crowds at bay



To know the strength in loving you
The joy, the sorrow it can mean
You took the time to look at me
To know nothing is as it seems



You took my hand and led me…
From darkest night… to shinning day
You took my heart and held me…
Even though you far away



But as evening falls… our voices part
I feel your presence fade
The emptiness of missing you
Of wishing you had stayed

.............(that was in written whilst i was in the uk and i was stupid enough to get into a long distance (internet) relationship with...yep you got it hubby number two (in america) lol ...ohhhh blind love how i wish your eyes were open wide)

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yes well what can i say about this one, a night of bizarre flickering images and dreams, woke up in a cold sweat with this stuck in my mind (no drugs or drink were involved by the way) feel free to tell me your interpretation of it because im dammed if i know what it means..........
the raven

the raven how she rocked you
i dont know how she made it though
once more she took good care of you
and then she up and flew

the red head how she bled you
she lied with what she said to you
she mislead and she hurt you
and now the fires gone

the baby carriage took you
but the wedding song was wrong to do
she cheated and she stole from you
now the heart has hurt so long

but no matter if you make it through
or if you feel its time to do
you cant find another lover
till the other lovers gone

the past was made to seal and heal
before old scars were meant to feel
you got to let it fade away
to let another stay

move one to tomorrow
dont let the shadows follow
cos you cant find another lover
till the other lovers gone

and to forestall any interpretations involving me getting married because of pregnancy... nope i made that stupid decision before any conception.... poem or chant, as it were, seems to be about a fella any way