WARNING ... if any of my kids are watching ya may want to look away ... WARNING
WARNING .. some shit you really dont want to think about in context to yer mother .. WARNING
( my son insists i now add warnings ;-) i think the vibrator in the draw blog shocked him)
when i was visiting with my boys
they took me to a specialty store
with lots and lots of all the U.K goodies i really miss
of course the prices were bloody extortionate
so i thought sod it ...
why arent i making my own.
sausages cant be that damned difficult after all
and so upon return to texas i set out to find
it didnt take too long to realize that asking around the shops for sausage skins, whilst apparently humorous to some of the store owner's, was possibly not the best way to find them
so i decided it was entirely less embarrassing to just order them online
now my latest victim gets nervous about me experimenting
so i told him that yea sure id made sausages before...
"but it's been ages since i had stuffed a sausage"
unfortunately i chose to tell him this in the middle of a rather packed store.. much to the amusement of the other customers
so after escaping the giggles and stares of the other shoppers
we picked up the ingredients
the casing arrives a few days later
now its bad enough thinking about what this stuff really is...
apparently you have to soak this stuff for half an hour... this should make it at least look better huh
now it just looks like an undulating living worm
and when you touch it ....
it feels like a used condom
next part of this rather disgusting process
not having a sausage stuffing machine device implement
i rummaged around the house fer an appropriate substitute whilst the casing (yes dammit casing i refuse to acknowledge what it is) is soaking
a handy bottle of the right diameter
(about 1 and a half inches)
was conscripted and adapted
(ends lopped off unceremoniously)
(damnit im not going to tell you again stop giggling)
now to get the casing on to it
so there i am in the kitchen sliding this 10 ft used condom appearing casing onto the sleeve/shaft/tube... using a hand motion that could of been described as erotic had it not been for the 10 ft of used condom that was involved
well thats the worst it could get right?
10 ft of used condom looking casing threaded on to a 4 ft sleeve/shaft/tube
has the appearance of a certain part of the anatomy from my last hubby were i to kick him out into the snow naked in the middle of winter.
swallowing down my disgust i grasp the shaft firmly
and grab a hand full of stuffing mix with my free hand
now its starting to look like all that hand action gave it a hard on
this is at least an improvement on the used condom look
after about 6 inches of sausage had emerged
(do i have to send you out of the room)
as i twisted the loose skin/casing
sharply and tightly, i couldnt help but smirk ... it was even more satisfying when i snipped the sausage off from the rest of the skin with a nice pair of sharp sterile scissors
i shaped it (resisting the urge to mould a head onto it)
and then pricked it
and set it aside
several sausages later i had the makings of a meal ;-)
trying desperately to not think on
A what the skin was
B the entire damned process of production
it was, in all, a very satisfying feast
it was rather unfortunate timing however when my latest victim decided to get frisky and romantic after the meal
there i was stroking his pride and joy ready for some foreplay
although he did, i admit, compare favourable both in size and girth
pushing the days exploits in the kitchen from my mind i attempted to focused on the task at hand
as i grasped him firm in my palm and started to gently, seductively slide my fingers along his shaft
whilst he was making little moaning sounds of appreciation
i was trying desperately to stifling alternating giggles and thoughts of ewwww
(of the process of sausage stuffing not at his appendage i hasten to add)
well that was my day how was yours?
sausages any one???